The Intimacy Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex brings enormous meaning and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great as well).

B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to exceptionally difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, important source wellness, nearness, and love .

When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a number of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in metropolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Lots of gay males wish to important link discover from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

However, North includes, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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