The Intimacy Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good also).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful sensations of destination, click here now enjoyment, well-being, closeness, and love .

But when problems develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that many of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. Numerous gay guys wish to discover from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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