The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good also).

B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to very tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being .

When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They probably would not admit useful reference it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in metropolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry pop over here is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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